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Mike Shannon's Raw Review Written by Mike Shannon on 12/14/09
WWE RAW (December 14, 2009)
-So I caught TLC last night and thought the show was pretty good for what it was. Honestly, the lack of blood was really distracting and the live crowd vented it during the Christian-Benjamin match. However, the big story of the night was obviously the Sheamus title win. I am very interested that they pulled the trigger on him this early but I'm all for anything that shakes up the main event picture. However, he could EASILY turn into the Great Khali if they aren't careful. It is important to note that Sheamus did not pin Cena, which will become important.
-LIVE from Corpus Christi, TX. (Oh come on, that's not a real city)
-Hosted by Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, and Matt Striker.
-Pittsburgh native Dennis Miller kicks us off and attempts some jokes that go over like a fart in church because the average wrestling fan's IQ borders on that of my dog......EXCEPT for you, fair reader, who is obviously an intellectual.
-Miller busts out some pro-Conservative jokes that get little to no reaction at all. I find it funny that Miller speaks about the "freedom of speech" that WWE offers while they confiscate signs at live events that disagree with the company's direction.
Best Tag Team of the Year Nominees: DX, Legacy, Hart Dynasty, Jerishow
Winners: Jerishow
-Can't argue with that selection there, kayfabe or otherwise. Jericho is rocking an unreal shirt/tie combo. They do the token heel acceptance speech and promise to invoke their rematch clause tonight.
-William Regal and his Roundtable are out to announce an open challenge to Christian and 2 partners of his choosing. Captain Charisma is injured but has found the partners he's been looking for...
Regal's Roundtable vs. Christian, Kane, & The Great Khali Khali smacks Kozlov with a big boot, so he tags out to Jackson and Christian hits him with a high cross body for two. A heel distraction allows for a backbreaker to turn the tide for the heels however, and Christian gets trapped in the heel corner. Christian comes back with a forearm and gets the semi-hot tag to Kane, who cleans house on Regal and the flying clothesline gets two. Jackson comes in again with a clothesline, but Kozlov tags himself in, runs into a big boot and takes a Khali chop to give the win to the babyfaces.
Winners: Christian, Kane, & Khali
-Too short to be much of anything, but basically just an angle setting up the Roundtable's destruction. **
Breakout Star of the Year Nominees: Drew McIntyre, Sheamus, Yoshi Tatsu, Abraham Washington
Winner: Sheamus
-This one was an obvious choice. Although Tatsu would have won if he would bring back the "INDEED!" gimmick that Kaientai used in 2000.
-Recap of Superstar of the Year nominees: CM Punk, Undertaker, Randy Orton, and John Cena. Change of format this year with a tournament deciding who the winner will be.
Cody Rhodes vs. Kofi Kingston I don't blame Kingston for the lack of heat at his match last night because lately Orton has the natural ability to suck every single bit of heat out of a match. Feeling out process establishes that Kofi's shoulder is injured, but he still hits a dropkick and flying clothesline to set up the Boom Drop. This immediately triggers a DiBiase run-in, but Evan Bourne quickly follows to clear the ring.
No Contest
-Dennis Miller announces that this must continue as a tag match.
Legacy vs. Kofi Kingston & Evan Bourne We come back from a commercial with Kofi having his shoulder worked over in the heel corner. Legacy does a good job building heat on Kofi and he finally gets the hot tag to Bourne, who kicks Cody's ass all over the ring. Double knee press gets two, broken by DiBiase, and Bourne dumps him. Evan charges but Cody catches him in Cross-Rhodes for the win.
Winners: Legacy
-Would probably be really good match if it were given ample time, as is it's only **1/2. Looks like Kofi's push as a main eventer is over already and he's stuck back in tag teams. Oh well.
I think those chemicals are starting to go to your head, Vinnie.
Most Shocking Moment Nominees: Orton DDTs Stephanie McMahon, Batista turns on Mysterio, CM Punk retires Jeff Hardy, Sheamus puts Mark Cuban through a table.
Winner: CM Punk
Superstar of the Year tournament CM Punk vs. John Cena Punk catches him with a leg lariat for two and follows with the Shining Wizard/bulldog combo for another near fall. Punk tries the GTS but Cena turns it into the STF and locks it on in the middle of the ring for the win.
Winner: John Cena
-What the hell was that? Why do you job Punk in under 2 minutes to someone that doesn't need the rub at all? I understand he's all pissed he lost the title, but Punk shouldn't suffer for the sake of Cena's "comeback". *
-Cena gives us all a motivational speech that's so inspiration I feel like humming the theme from Rocky. He promises not to lose another match until he's the champion again. Great...just what I want, more John Cena dominating everyone.
Match of the Year Nominees: HBK vs. Undertaker at WM 25, Cena vs. Orton at Breaking Point, Jeff Hardy vs. Edge at Extreme Rules, Raw vs. Smackdown at Bragging Rights
Winner: Shawn Michaels vs. Undertaker
-Really, this was the only choice as it was Undertaker's best match in forever and stole the show. Shawn is still pissed off at losing and challenges Taker for WrestleMania this year. I'm for it.
Superstar of the Year tournament Undertaker vs. Randy Orton This is also a WrestleMania rematch. Taker works the shoulder to start but Orton counters Old School to take over and hammer away. Slugfest, won by Taker of course, leads to Snake Eyes and a big boot from Taker, who follows with a legdrop for two. Chokeslam attempt is countered and Taker is clotheslined over the top, but he yanks Orton to the outside and ends up hitting a legdrop on the apron. Legacy runs down but is stopped by Taker's STARE OF DEATH. However, the distraction is enough to enable Orton to hit the RKO on the floor and beat the count back in to win the match.
Winner: Randy Orton
-Undertaker, because he's him, immediately gets his heat back by clearing house on the heels. **1/2
-Vince McMahon is out to present the next award and tells the crowd they suck for being dead all night.
Guest Host of the Year Nominees: Bob Barker, Seth Green, Shaquille O'Neal, the Osbournes
Winner: Bob Barker
-Who cares? Dennis Miller tells Vince he wants to see Bret Hart as a guest host and McMahon leaves in a huff. Well then...that was interesting.
-Backstage, Dennis Miller is not impressed by Chris Jericho.
WWE Unified Tag Titles DX vs. Jerishow DX goes all old school and HHH shoves the referee over a bent over Shawn Michaels, which intentionally gets them disqualified and allows them to keep the titles.
Winners by DQ: Jerishow
-DUD of course. Jericho's face as he realizes this was his one rematch is priceless. All Jericho's enemies help throw him off of Raw, closing this storyline. While the heel always has to get his comeuppance, Raw will be extremely less entertaining without the awesome heelness of Jericho.
Extreme Moment of the Year Nominees: Kofi destroys Orton at MSG, Big Show tosses Cena through a stage light, Jeff Hardy Swantons off a ladder, HHH invades Orton's house
Winner: Jeff Hardy's Swanton
-Hardy, of course, can't be there because he's off being weird and unemployed somewhere. Matt Hardy tries to accept the award but Carlito attacks and cuts a damn funny acceptance speech. That earns him a Masterlock from his co-presenter. (Striker: "This is more like the Source Awards." BURN)
-Trailer for The Marine 2. It's an f'n direct-to-DVD movie, it's gonna suck.
6-man Tag Match The Miz, Zack Ryder, & Drew McIntyre vs. John Morrison, Yoshi Tatsu, & Mark Henry I don't watch Smackdown, so the fact that Drew McIntyre is the Intercontinental champion and I don't even know who he is shows either (a) there's too much wrestling on TV or (b)secondary titles mean absolutely nothing. By the way, John Morrison's t-shirt says "The revolution will be televised" which was the title of a DVD offering from the God-awful XPW promotion run by sleazeball promoter Rob Black, who I believe is in prison as we speak.
Henry dominates Miz with a gorilla press and then tags in Morrison who sits the standing shooting star for two. Miz manages to get a tag to McIntyre but he runs away from Morrison and tags in Ryder. Zack wants Yoshi and they have a wrestling standoff, but Ryder pauses to gloat and a kick to the face gives Yoshi the win for his team.
Winners: John Morrison, Yoshi Tatsu, & Mark Henry
-I don't understand how matches like this can get so little time when it's a 3 hour show **3/4.
14-Women Tag Match Face Divas vs. Heel Divas Too...much...silicone...TV...cannot...handle...BOOOOOOOOM! Too many terrible wrestlers in the ring, so I'll call the "action" as it happens. All the women are wearing evening gowns for some reason. Rosa attacks Mickie but she comes back with flying headscissors and hits a DDT for the win.
Winners: Face Divas
-When the entrances are longer than the match...CUT THE f***
ING MATCH. DUD
VERY underrated
Diva of the Year Nominees: All of them, of course
Winner: Maria
-Really? I mean, I really don't give a shit but Maria hasn't done anything. Batista pulls the Kanye West interruption act that you KNEW Vince couldn't pass up....and he does it while wearing PINK. Now that's a man's man.
Oh My Moment of the Year Nominees: Chris Masters and his dancing man-boobies, Shawn superkicks a little girl, Michael Cole pukes on Chris Jericho, Santino gets pied on Thanksgiving
Winner: Michael Cole vomiting
-Big Dick Johnson reveals he is a Rhodes scholar when he intros the award. Cole is over-the-top excited to win this one and yes, his celebration was kinda funny. You know, if Cole wasn't such an annoying, repetitive, uninteresting little joke of an announcer, I might actually somewhat like him.
-Dennis Miller plugs USAcares.org, which actually is a solid organization. Decent hosting job by Miller because this wrestling crowd is definitely not his usual audience.
-Backstage, HHH accidentally destroys the WWE playset that Shawn set up for his kids 11 DAYS EARLY! If you would have told Shawn Michaels in 1997 that he would be chasing midgets around backstage and doing comedy bits to plug the online store, he would have done a line of coke, called you an f'n liar, and then went out and had a **** match while high off his ass.
-YOUR host next week is Johnny Damon. Don't care.
Superstar of the Year tournament finals Randy Orton vs. John Cena Well, look at this...ANOTHER John Cena-Randy Orton match that was promised to never never never never never happen again. I really hate this promotion sometimes. Cena dominates Orton right away with a suplex for two and an elbowdrop for another near fall. Orton counters a bulldog, sending Cena to the outside where he runs Cena into the post and gets two back inside.
Garvin Stomp hits as Orton slows the match down to his usual boring as f***
pace. Cena finally comes back with another bulldog and the top rope legdrop for two. Orton turns the tide with Divorce Court for two but Cena gets a surprise rollup for his own two. Clothesline gets two for Randy and he goes back to the Garvin Stomp. I'm serious, I think 40% of Orton's offense involves stomping of some sort.
Cena comes back with his usual crap and they both counter the other's finishers until the AA hits, but Orton is in the ropes. Orton rolls to the outside to escape and Cena stupidly chasing him, allowing Randy to hit the Hangman's DDT off the apron and to the floor. By the time Orton brings him back into the ring, however, it only gets two. Orton tries the PUNT OF CERTAIN DEATH, but Cena counters to the Attitude Adjustment to get the win.
Winner: John Cena
-A good TV match that, unfortunately, is still a stale matchup that was promised to be over only a few weeks ago. Yeah, it was good, but I'm so sick of these two ***1/4.
-Sheamus shows off the title as we fade to black...
Final Word OK, so we have a brand new world champion who shocked the world by winning it during his rookie year, so who do we focus the show on? John Cena and Randy Orton of course....and they wonder why no one new gets over on this show. Anyways, I'm still holding out hope for the Sheamus title reign, but in my heart I know nothing is coming of it. The show was decent enough, but I'm constantly amazed that they can put on a 3 hour show with 3 minute matches.
