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ringsideMAYHEM >> News Article
Mike Shannon's Raw Review (Jan. 11, 2010) Written by Mike Shannon on 01/11/10
WWE RAW (January 11, 2010)
-First, thanks to everyone who emailed me to let me know that I was quoted in the UK newspaper The Sun. Good to know that people value my opinion, no matter if you disagree or not. (http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/sport/wrestling/2794955/Wrestling-reviewers-gave-the-thumbs-up-to-TNA-as-it-went-head-to-head-with-WWE.html)
-Secondly, I was saddened to hear about the death of former WWE wrestler and UFC fighter Tony Halme (aka Ludvig Borga). While his un-American Finnish wrestler gimmick was the source of many jokes, it is not a joke that professional wrestlers continue to die off at an alarming rate. The worst part is that NO ONE outside of wrestling fans care. If NFL players were dropping dead at this pace, there would be a Congressional investigation and the league would be the lead story of every single news program. People will continue to not care because the industry itself does not care. If Halme even gets a mention tonight, I'll be surprised, but until the business itself takes responsibility for hundreds of wrestlers dying before their 50th birthday (and most of the time, sooner) then why should I waste webpage space on this?
RIP big guy
-On that happy note, Bret Hart is reportedly NOT at Raw this week so we'll be treated to lots of gloating from super main-event heel, Vince McMahon.
-Tonight's guest host is, of course, Mike Tyson. This was huge 11 years ago but unfortunately Tyson is about as relevant as Chuck Norris jokes.
-LIVE from Minneapolis, MN (home of the biggest turncoat NFL fans ever...you hate Brett Favre, huh?)
-Mike Tyson, who I hope is on his meds tonight, kicks us off and we get a video package recapping his battle with Steve Austin for all of us who haven't seen it 93874723 times before. Funny "You screwed Shawn!" chant starts but Sheamus interrupts and declares himself the baddest man on the planet. Tyson takes a swing at him and misses, which draws out Randy Orton to demand a title shot at the Rumble.
-Since there is never a spotlight he couldn't steal, John Cena also joins us to suck up to the Minnesota crowd and drop a Mike Tyson's Punchout reference (which Lawler explains because he does that kind of thing). Cena wants a title shot, but Kofi Kingston comes to the ring to say he hasn't even had a title match yet and deserves one. Everyone who can't see what's coming here, raise your hands...
God dammit
Tyson books a triple threat match for later with the winner getting a shot at the Rumble.
Divas Title Tournament Kelly Kelly vs. Alicia Fox Cheap shot from Alicia leads to a chinlock...SMELL THE MOVESET!! Kelly fights out and dumps Fox to the outside and hits a cross body off the apron. Kelly hits her usual rehearsed-to-death spots but gets powerbombed on a hurricanrana attempt and that's all she wrote.
Winner: Alicia Fox
-Ugly and terrible 1/2*
Pictured: not ugly
Legacy vs. Mark Henry & Evan Bourne I really thought this "WHAT?" bullshit was over. People must be really, really, really, stupid to continue to think that crap is funny. Bourne hits flying headscissors but gets dropkicked to the floor by DiBiase where Rhodes gets a cheapshot in. Bourne beats the count so Legacy double-teams him and a Rhodes dropkick gets two, so he adds a kneedrop for another near fall.
Bourne fights out and gets the hot tag to Kool-Aid, who hits a press slam on Cody. Bourne tags back in and tries Air Bourne, but DiBiase returns and distracts the faces long enough for Cody to recover and hit Cross Rhodes for the win.
Winner: Legacy
-Typical tag match with the sole purpose being putting over how "on the same page" Legacy is. Of course, that means they'll self-destruct at the Royal Rumble. **
-Backstage, Shawn Michaels wants to make peace with Mike Tyson for screwing him out of the title at WrestleMania 14. HHH, on the other hand, thinks Tyson is insane.
-After a break, HBK tried to bury the hatchet but Tyson says he would KO him all over again. Chris Jericho (kicked off Raw twice but still on TV) reveals he and Tyson are *likethis* and, if DX loses their match vs. Y2H and Mike Tyson, then Chris can be on whatever show he wants. $100 says Tyson has a DX shirt on underneath that black t-shirt.
-Recap of Bret Hart's appearance last week.
-Odd commercial as USA Network claims Burn Notice is the #1 show on cable, but Raw just got done saying how THEY have been the #1 show for years. SOMEONE'S LYING AND I DON'T LIKE IT!
For the record, currently we are huddling around 1996 right now
-Jack Swagger declares he will easily win the Royal Rumble and announces his All-American challenge where he dares anyone to try and toss him over the top rope. This leads to...
All-American Challenge Jack Swagger vs. Santino Marella Santino gets driven into the corner immediately and Swagger hits the running Vader Bomb. Swagger tries to toss Marella, but Santino holds on, basically by accident, and Jack tumbles to the floor.
Winner: Santino Marella
-Santino sprints up the aisle because he's terrified of Swagger. OK then...1/4*
-In my humble opinion, The Tooth Fairy (starring The Rock) looks AWFUL...and Ashley Judd looks even worse.
What happened?!?
Triple Threat for #1 Contender Randy Orton vs. John Cena vs. Kofi Kingston Winner, of course, gets a title match with Sheamus in three weeks. Kofi and Cena double-team Orton with their standard stuff to force him to the outside. Cena tosses him back in and the beating continues until Orton is dumped again and the faces umm...face off. Sheamus appears on the ramp, distracting Kofi and Cena, and allowing Orton to attack from behind but WE GOTTA TAKE A BREAK!!
We come back with Orton working (what else?) a chinlock while Cena suffers from hitting the announce table. Orton releases Kofi so he can hit the hangman's DDT on Cena, but Kofi avenges his fellow babyface with a high cross body for two. Kingston gets stopped with an Orton backbreaker, but Cena returns and runs himself in the post like an idiot. Kofi recovers and hits the SOS for two but gets stopped by a Cena STF, which Orton eventually breaks.
Cena hits his usual stuff that I'm sick of typing out on Orton, but Kofi breaks the Attitude Adjustment and hits HIS usual stuff. Scary small pop for the Boom Drop...not good. He hits Trouble in Paradise on Cena, which puts him on the floor where Cody Rhodes adds a ring step shot. Rhodes distracts the referee long enough for DiBiase to run-in and take down Kofi and the RKO gets the win.
Winner: Randy Orton
-A pretty good TV triple threat but an Orton/Sheamus main event makes me fall asleep just thinking about it. **3/4
-Backstage, Mike Tyson meets Hornswoggle but unfortunately doesn't kill him and eat him.
-By the way, what is up with the camera angle changes during the backstage skits? Did I suddenly switch over to the "Today" show or something? Vince McMahon is going insane before our very eyes.
-Meanwhile, The Miz talks about how tough he had it coming from MTV to WWE and how he proved everyone wrong. Good promo from Miz because he's one of the VERY few on this show to actually be allowed to have a unique voice (and an over catchphrase). MVP just bores the crap out of me because yes, we all know he was jail, and no one cares anymore.
Divas Title Tournament Eve vs. Katie Lea Katie still has a job? Since when? Maryse is on commentary, which means this match will suck even more. Katie works a submission 2 seconds into the match so Eve can mount a comeback but that's stopped with a swinging backbreaker for two. Ever hits a sloppy clothesline for one and follows with a pair of bad dropkicks. Kate looks AWFULLY pale. Eve misses something (and so does the camera) but still manages to rollup Katie for the win.
Winner: Eve
-Well that sucked. Maryse said one thing that was true: "This is so boring they should just stop it." Amen, sister. 1/2* for the backbreaker.
Rare appearance for Miss Burchill
-Vince McMahon makes his way to the ring and announces Bret is scared of him. A "Boring" chant seems to temporarily fluster the usually composed McMahon, but he recovers quickly to say Bret will never be back....ever.
-YOUR guest hosts next week: Don Johnson and Jon Heder. Scraping the bottom of the barrel already? On the plus side, this picture exists....
DX vs. Chris Jericho & Mike Tyson HBK reiterates his challenge to Undertaker and demands an answer next week. Tyson overpowers Shawn on a lockup a few times then floors him with a shoulder tackle. HHH comes in and he gets driven into the heel corner where Jericho tags himself in and tees off on Hunter. Jericho puts his head down and pays for it, then takes a high knee and some HBK chops. Jericho and Shawn do a pinfall reversal sequence and HBK ends up rolling him up for two.
Y2J hits a running enzuigiri and tags back in Tyson but the f***
ing midget's music hits. Jericho comes in to face DX but, OF COURSE, Tyson takes off his shirt to reveal a DX shirt underneath. I'll expect my $100 to be mailed to me. I accept cash only, no checks. Tyson floors Jericho and HBK gets the pin.
Winners: DX
-Really a nothing match with an ending I could spot coming a mile away. Jericho took a pretty good shot to the chin though *1/4.
Final Word As expected, this was a really weak episode of Raw. The wrestling pretty much blew ass and Tyson's involvement was minimal. There was no Bret Hart, a weak main event, and the booking of a Sheamus/Orton match that does nothing for me. I wonder what happened on UFC tonight?
