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ringsideMAYHEM >> News Article
Mike Shannon's Impact Review (Jan. 21, 2010) Written by Mike Shannon on 01/22/10
TNA Impact! (January 21, 2010)
-So TNA is coming off a very lackluster PPV and is hoping to rebound to keep their dwindling momentum going. Obviously, a good episode of Impact would be a step in the right direction...and firing that hack Bubba the Heat Sponge. What a work that guy is, considering he is a nobody in radio and his 40 strong "Bubba Army" are even bigger crotch sniffers than he is.
I didn't know you were supposed to flex whenever someone took your picture....do they make that shirt in men's sizes?
-This is also the debut of the 4-sided ring on Impact, which really isn't that big of a deal. It should give the workers more room in the middle of the ring and
-Backstage, Flair arrives (with hot women of course) and is showing AJ how to style and profile like a champion should.
-Slick Ric hits the ring to explain why he joined TNA: First, he hates Hulk Hogan and won't let him get away. This somehow segues into a story about Flair having sex with Dixie Carter. OK then. Interestingly enough, while he is telling this story, a middle-aged woman in the background removes her shirt....Naitch has still got it.
-Flair intros AJ Styles, who cuts a decent heel promo about how he was never appreciated in TNA even though he's the best. That's all well and good, but stealing Ric Flair's catchphrases is something that Kurt Angle will not tolerate so he joins us and brings Hulk Hogan with him. Hulk immediately pulls the Vince Russo trademarked "I changed my mind" and says Kurt Angle gets another title shot. What's that I hear? Is that stipulations never being followed? No wonder no one cares about them anymore. He books Angle vs. Styles for tonight and promises to strip the title if Flair interferes.
-See, this is why people stop buying PPVs...they pay for the matches and then the match is given away for free the next show.
-Backstage, Mick Foley angrily arrives looking for Bischoff.
TNA World Tag Team Titles The British Invasion vs. Hernandez & Matt Morgan Williams controls Morgan to start, but gets elbowed in the corner and takes an avalanche and side slam. Morgan gets jumped by Magnus on the outside and the heels double team for two. Morgan comes back with a clothesline and gets the hot tag to Hernandez, who cleans house on the heels and hits a SLOPPY powerbomb for two. The heels cheat to take control and the referee gets distracted, allowing Magnus to get the steel briefcase from Rob Terry. Miscommunication causes Magnus to hit Williams by accident and Hernandez gets the pin.
Winners and STILL Champions: Matt Morgan & Hernandez
-Rob Terry might take the most steroids of anyone in entire world, truly a Scott Steiner for the new decade. *1/2 Post-match, Mick Foley beats up the heels because he's pissed off.
Oh yeah, plenty of guys who lift look like that
-Jeff Jarrett is going to be on Bubba the Heat Sponge's show...who cares?
-Backstage, Bischoff promises he'll handle Foley but Hulk wants to take of that "other thing". Nash comes in the office and Hogan wants The Band to stop with the shenanigans.
-The Pope cuts a weird promo on Orlando and promises the delivery of two pimp slaps.
Orlando Jordan vs. D'angelo Dinero Slow wrestling sequence pisses off Orlando so he smacks the Pope, which triggers a brawl. The Pope takes time to hit on a weird looking goth redhead in the crowd, but that allows Jordan to recover and hit a Dragon Screw and a reverse STO for the pin?!?!
Winner: Orlando Jordan
-Seriously, they job Dinero to Jordan like that? I know they used the knee as an excuse but it's freaking Orlando Jordan. *
-Backstage, Eric Young wants to make sure Nash has his back.
-Recap of the Beautiful People showing off their implants while something happens.
-Bobby Lashley wants to wrestle, but Eric Bischoff needs to talk to Hulk.
Madison Rayne vs. Angelina Love Do you think TNA just buys push-up bras in bulk? Like they just head to a warehouse and by them by the gross? A closeup of Angelina's face in HD is not as pleasing as it sounds on paper.
Shown: not closeup and not in HD
Madison controls initially, but Love runs her into the corner and hits the Botox Injection for the win.
Winner: Angelina Love
-Total squash DUD. The Beautiful people beat down Angelina with "the ugly stick". THIS IS NOT OVER!!!!
-Backstage, courtesy of Sean Waltman, Scott Hall isn't the most wasted person in the room. They promise they know how to draw ratings and will get contracts tonight. Oh, the jokes I could make.
-Hogan and Bischoff call The Band (complete with nWo knockoff logo) to ringside and immediately throws Waltman and Hall out of the arena. Mick Foley tries to rush the ring but Bischoff orders security to put him in his office.
-Backstage, Nash promises to fix everything with Hogan.
The Nasty Boys vs. Kevin Nash & Eric Young Oh yeah just what I was waiting for, the return of the f'n Nasty Boys...a team that couldn't break *** in 1990. Knobbs and Sags look like the two old guys at the bar who don't understand no one wants them there.
Young hammers away on Sags but gets punched and clotheslined in the corner. Knobs comes in and misses an elbow, so Nash tags in and beats Knobs down in the corner. Knobs catches him with an elbow and tags in Sags, who fares no better and takes a big boot. Eric comes with a flying elbow for two while Knobbs takes out Nash on the outside. Young takes the Pit Stop and Sags hits a pumphandle slam for the win.
Winners: The Nasty Boys
-Now I understand why Eric Young was there, to do the job for an over-the-hill tag team that hasn't been over in 20 years. Not only that, but he got to lay down for a move that hasn't pinned anyone since 1978. 1/4* The Nasties get laid out by Team 3D backstage.
-MISTAAAAAAAAAAAA KEEEEEEEN.....I mean, Anderson hits the ring and gloats about beating Abyss but of course he gets jumped from behind.
-Backstage, Abyss is sorry for attacking Anderson and that leads to Bischoff meeting Foley in his office. Eric actually acknowledges the camera guy and kicks him out the office so he can talk to Cactus.
TNA World Title AJ Styles vs. Kurt Angle AJ attacks before the bell to establish he has gone to the dark side of the Force, but Kurt comes back with a BAAAAAAAACK body drop. Styles runs away but Angle catches him with a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker for two then follows with a snap suplex for another two. Kurt stomps a mudhole in Styles and hits a clothesline for two but AJ goes low to turn the tide. Good to see Hebner's vision hasn't improved and WE GOTTA TAKE A BREAK!!!
Bye bye Awesome Kong
By the way, the "5 second segment between commercials" is really annoying when I'm trying to watch this on DVR.
We come back with Styles clipping Angle's knee and applies the figure four. But the match loses a * because he puts it on the WRONG KNEE!! For the last time, the STRAIGHT leg is the injured one, NOT the twisted one. Come on, AJ, you're better than that. Angle fights out during my rants and hits an overhead belly-to-belly and follows with three Pittsburgh/German suplexes for two.
Angle, pissed off, PULLS DOWN THE STRAPS~! but the Angle Slam is countered with the Pele kick. Styles Clash is countered and Angle rolls through to apply the ankle lock. Styles holds on and rolls through to apply his OWN ankle lock and the bell suddenly rings as Hebner gives the match to Styles.
Winner and STILL Champion: AJ Styles
-So it's yet ANOTHER rehash of the Survivor Series 97 finish since God knows we can't go a year without it. Then they go a step FURTHER by having Kurt Angle quit and then spit in Hogan's face while promising to go back to WWE. **3/4 I seriously have never seen an angle that has been ripped off of this much.
-During the break, just like Bret Hart, Kurt Angle destroys stuff.
-A bloody Eric Bischoff staggers to the ring and fires Mick Foley as we go off the air...
Final Word Well, the wrestling wasn't too great this week and it was all angle progression. I guess it was OK but they don't really seem to have a solid direction for the company. Example, after a hell of a debut by Generation Me last week, they weren't even mentioned. I know it's the same taping cycle and all, but a taped segment would have worked. Plus, where's Jeff Hardy? The guy was WWE World Champion a few months ago and no one seems to remember that. Just a disappointing wrestling week overall.
