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Mike Shannon's TNA Impact Review (Feb. 4, 2010) Written by Mike Shannon on 02/05/10
TNA Impact! (February 4, 2010)
But first, it's time for the phenomenon that's sweeping the internet wrestling community...the segment that has become a hits-producing juggernaut, yes it's time to...
ASK MIKE ANYTHING!!!
Today is a special one because it deals primarily with every single article I've wrote...ever.
Q: Why don't you give out higher star ratings more? There are great matches on Raw all the time but you never give higher than 3 stars. It doesn't make sense.
-Tim (Sacramento, CA)
A: This is another common question I get all the time. "So-and-so is awesome and you don't like his matches." It's not that I don't like them, its there has to be a scale involved in order to make the star rating system (created by Jim Cornette) actually mean something. Most TV matches, unfortunately, are going to fall in the *** and under territory because of commercial breaks and time limitations. That's not to say there aren't good matches on TV, but television only allows for certain things.
On the other hand, I can't just say I(as I've seen on other sites) "AJ STYLES RULZ! ****" to every one of his matches because what happens when a truly great match comes along? For example, Taker-Mysterio was a GREAT match at the Rumble...but was it perfect? Of course not, few things are...so it got ****. If I gave all the matches **** and up, then what happens when something like Angle-HBK, Flair-Steamboat, or Austin-Rock comes along that just blows everything else out of the water? Throwing stars around like manhole covers allows for truly great matches to stick out while other "average" matches get lumped in with the rest. Make sense? Thought so.
Next time on ASK MIKE ANYTHING!! I address the most popular category of hockey fan...the jealous Sidney Crosby hater. But for now, I'll just answer briefly with this...
WOOOOOOOO!!
-TAPED! from Orlando, FL.
-Two brief notes about recent TNA events:
1. Honky Tonk Man is f***
ing crazy and delusional.
2. Where the hell is Jeff Hardy?
Eight Card Stud Qualifier Brutus Magnus vs. Mr. Anderson Slugfest, won by Brutus, but Anderson goes low with a dropkick and takes over. Ken introduces him to the turnbuckle and stomps away before more punching. You like punching? This match is for you. Anderson gets caught with a boot to the face and Magnus takes him down for two. Anderson gets pissed, goes to the eyes, and hits the Mic Check for the win.
Winner: Mr. Anderson
-Too much punchy-kicky for me, but Anderson is being built well as a star. *1/2
-Backstage, Mick Foley arrives in (what else?) a Geo Metro.
-Kurt Angle is REALLY pissed at Hulk Hogan for letting Hall and Waltman attack him.
-Eric Bischoff hits the ring to talk smack on Mick Foley, who wastes no time joining us. Foley says he doesn't dislike anyone, not even Jim Helliweg (Eric: "Who?"), but he hates Uncle Eric. He calls him the worst announcer ever followed by Taz getting a great line saying Mick must never have heard of Mike Adamle. Ouch. Mick tries to quit but Bischoff holds Abyss and JB's job over his head and books Foley against Kevin Nash.
Mick's still got a hot wife
-Note: Bischoff's wife was in Playboy (obviously can't put those here for the benefit of those at work) but I don't have to tell you how to find those. So Uncle Eric isn't doing that bad, either.
-Backstage, JB is not holding out hope for his job.
TNA Tag Team Title Hernandez & Matt Morgan vs. Team 3D Even though the Dudleys won the WWE Tag titles 8 times, they didn't even come CLOSE to holding them for as many days as Demolition did (only 3 reigns) so the whole "best tag team ever" schtick is stupid.
Ray and Hernandez stalemate until Hernandez powers him down but misses a blind charge and takes a splash in the corner. Hernandez gets caught heading up top and gets slammed and Bubba gets two. D-von comes in and gets two off a legdrop on Morgan, but Matt comes back with a clothesline for his own two count. Hernandez checks back in with a neck vice but D-Von bites his way out of a superplex attempt and hits a diving headbutt for the double KO.
Hot tag to Ray, who cleans house on the champs and the challengers hit a double-team neckbreaker for two. Wassup Drop gets no pop but it doesn't matter because the 80 year old Nasty Boys interfere and Morgan hits the Carbon Footprint for the win.
Winners and STILL Champions: Morgan & Hernandez
-Saw the finish coming a mile away, but it's basic Wrestling Booking 101. Decent match but kinda odd with no team playing heel. **1/2
Jesse Neal vs. Samoa Joe Could Jesse Neal have any more generic wrestler tattoos? He looks like a wrestler I used to create on PlayStation 2. Neal attacks before the bell but quickly gets suplexed and hammered in the corner. Joe hits a enzuigiri but Neal goes to the eyes and works his jobber offense. Then, Joe makes him look like a COMPLETE asshole by literally walking out of the way of a high cross body attempt. Come on, Joe, I expect that from Nash and HHH but not from you. That was a dick move. Joe tees off with some STIFF shots (I think Neal pissed him off) and the Muscle Buster gets the win.
Winner: Samoa Joe
-Want to see Joe COMPLETELY bury someone? Watch this match. *1/4
AJ Styles vs. The Pope Dinero takes some chops but AJ seeks Flair approval and gets dropped. Pope hammers away with the Flip Flop N Fly and a BAAAAAACK body drop so AJ takes a powder and WE GOTTA TAKE A BREAK!!!
We return with AJ hitting a dropkick and a weak guillotine on the ropes. Styles chokes Pope out on the ropes and hits a snap suplex for two. Pope mounts a comeback with a sunset flip but a forearm shot ends that and AJ hits the chinlock. Tenay and Taz talk about how awful the NY Islanders are while Pope slugs away to make another comeback.
Inverted atomic drop sets up a forearm shot for two but AJ goes to the eyes and hits an enzuigiri. Styles misses a charge to the corner and Pope tries the Coronation but only hits ropes. AJ tries a suplex but Dinero surprises him with a small package and...gets the pin!?
Winner: The Pope
-Good match and a nice finish ***1/4. Flair and Styles beatdown Pope afterwards, drawing out Samoa Joe who suffers a similar fate. Dinero finally recovers and they send the heels flying. I can dig it. No clue why WWE got rid of Burke.
-Back from commercial, Flair is PISSED and let's everyone know about it. Joe, however, is MORE PISSED and the testosterone is running wild, brother. Joe announces he's cashing in his title shot at Against All Odds. Shouldn't Pope be pissed considering he just pinned the World Champion and isn't getting a title shot?
-Backstage, Bischoff doesn't know who Eric Young is in another too-close-to-home comment. Uncle Eric wants Nash to destroy Foley but Nash is wary because his buddies still don't have contracts.
-Still backstage, Foley cuts a promo on Nash but Abyss interrupts all hysterical about losing his job. Foley promises everything will be good as long as Abyss stays backstage.
Eight Card Stud Qualifier Tomko vs. Kurt Angle Tomko looks bloated. I didn't know TNA had all-you-can-eat buffets at each Impact. Kurt immediately hits a German suplex and gets dropped with a big boot but completely no-sells it and clotheslines Tomko to the floor. Tomko meets the ring steps but catches Kurt with a powerslam back in the ring. Angle's shoulder hits the post, which of course is only because he wants to show off his Clarion Golden Eagle tattoo, and Tomko hits a powerslam for two.
Chokeslam hurts Angle and Tomko heads to the top but, of course, Kurt pops up and brings him down with a belly to belly. Angle plays "Count the German Suplexes" and hits the Angle Slam but it only gets two. Tomko comes back but misses the big boot and the Germans are more effective this time. People are surprised wrestlers have neck problems? Angle PULLS DOWN THE STRAPS~! and immediately goes to the deadly heel hook, which gets the submission.
Winner: Kurt Angle
-Angle always brings the goods and Tomko must have eaten his Wheaties this morning because he was motivated for some reason. ***1/4
Represent
-Recap of the whole Mick Foley saga. Nash still wants a contract for The Band, but Hogan isn't buying it.
TNA Knockouts Title Tara vs. Angelina Love Tara works a headlock and they do a fairly decent wrestling sequence and we go to a commercial break for some reason...
We return with them actually working a test of strength as I flash back to 1986. All that was missing was Angelina asking the crowd if she could trust Tara or not. Love gets two off a takedown and locks on a rollup out of the corner for another two. Tara comes back with a spinning sideslam for two as TNA blurs the shit out of Tara's chest because apparently her boob is hanging out. Damn buzz killers. Widow's Peak is countered but Tara rolls through and gets the pin.
Winner and STILL Champion: Tara
-They went total old-school with this match...it didn't make it any better but I can always award points for effort. This would have been an automatic **** if they didn't blur the nipple but, as is, it's **1/4.
-Post-match, the Beautiful People attack but the faces clear the ring.
UN-DER-RATED *CLAP CLAP CLAPCLAPCLAP*
-Backstage, Kurt Angle finds Hogan and gives him his final warning about screwing with him.
No-DQ Match Mick Foley vs. Kevin Nash This is a dream match...in 1998. Foley brings a barbwire baseball bat with him so Nash counters with a grocery cart full of weapons. It's tough to look manly pushing a grocery cart. Nash uses a trash can and chair to block the baseball bat shots and finally takes Foley down with a hockey stick. Foley goes low to prevent Nash from using the barbwire and Big Kev takes a powder so they can brawl outside. Foley grabs a picture fram but hesitates using it because it's a photo of him and Abyss, so Nash boots him down and gets the pin.
Winner: Kevin Nash
-Well, that was bad *. Crowd didn't even pop for the finish because it was so weak.
-Post-match, Hall and Waltman run down and kick Nash's ass for some reason. Very WCW-like angle.
Final Word They were rolling with a pretty good show until the main event, which made absolutely no sense. I guess 6 minutes out of a 2 hour show isn't bad, but still...gotta try harder than that. I'm liking the AJ-Joe setup though.
