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Mike Shannon's Raw Review (Feb. 8, 2010) Written by Mike Shannon on 02/08/10
WWE RAW (February 8, 2010)
-Well, the massive winter storm (or, as I have dubbed it, the Snotorious B.I.G.) has left Pittsburgh at an absolute standstill. I really don't care though because I have wrestling and beer.
-Before we continue it's time for the new internet phenomenon, the segment that has become a hits record breaker, the paragraphs that are sweeping the nation. That's right, it's time to...
ASK MIKE ANYTHING!!!
Q:Why do u have such a man crush on Crosby when he's not even the best player on his team? Malkin is. If malkin left game 7 with an injury Wings woulda won for sure. Even though I hate the pens(and their fans) your weekly reviews are awesome. Keep up the good work!
-JJ from Toronto
A: So he hates me, but he loves my reviews. My friend JJ falls into the most popular class of NHL fans currently "The Jealous Crosby Basher". They are quick to point out that Sid's a diver (usually accompanied by a 4 year old YouTube clip) and a crybaby but always say how they respect Malkin. Nevermind that Malkin didn't even have a goal in Game 7 OR that the Red Wings though Crosby "sucked" so badly that they matched their best defensive players against him the entire series.
So, in order to put this argument to rest once and for all, I figured we would look at the 3 best players in the world...Crosby, Malkin, and Ovechkin. The following stats are each players Points Per Game line including this season:
Crosby - 348 games, 471 points, 1.35 per game
Malkin - 294 games, 365 points, 1.24 per game
Ovechkin - 375 games, 506 pts, 1.35 per game
So Ovechkin and Crosby tie for the most points per game amongst the league's best. Mind you that Ovechkin plays with Alexander Semin and Nicklus Backstrom while Sid has to deal with Pascal Dupuis and Bill Guerin. Also pointing out Crosby has DOUBLE the playoff points Ovechkin has and, one final thing...
He's the youngest captain to ever win one of these......so WOOOOOOOOOO!!
If you don't like him, fine, people didn't like Mario either. And NO ONE cried and worked the referees more than Wayne Gretzky but there's NO denying Sid's numbers and accomplishments. And, just because you hate Pittsburgh fans and are from Toronto, I'll throw this in...
Now go get your shinebox, cannon fodder
*END OF RANT*
Q: I was reading your old reviews and notice you called Scott Hall and Sean Waltman "The Clique" but I thought that was the nickname for HBK's fans in the 90s? Do I win anything for picking out your mistake?
-Jeff, Buffalo
A: You win nothing because it's not a mistake, big guy. The Clique, as many smarks know, was a backstage stable of HBK, Kevin Nash, Hall, Waltman, and HHH who basically ran the WWF back in the mid-90s due to their political influence on Vince McMahon. They were responsible (allegedly) for Shane Douglas and Bam Bam Bigelow being fired from the promotion and basically made life hell for anyone they didn't like. (Noteable story: Hall takes a shit in Tammy Lynn Sytch's food as a joke...and you wonder why I think he's a scumbag?) Anyways, Shawn basically just named his fans after the backstage group as a kind of *winkwink* to people in the know. I never screw up...you know that by now.
Q: After reading your column this morning, I have a couple questions. 1) After the Vince/Bret segment last night, do you think we will see Cena with Bret in his corner vs. Batista with Vince in his corner at WrestleMania (similar to Trump/McMahon at WM 23 minus the hair vs. hair part)? 2) What is the best drawn out (i.e. couple months) storyline that you have ever seen in the WWE? 3) What would you do to improve the WWE right now if you were Vince McMahon? Let me know what you think if you have time. Thanks (and keep up with the great columns).
-Matt, Philadelphia
A: Well thought out email that definitely deserves a response.
1. Cena/Bret vs. Batista/Vinnie would be my guess as well. After the angle last week, it was pretty apparent that Bret cannot take the bumps required to work a match. It's not a knock on him, he did have a stroke after all. Plus, neither Cena or Batista have anything really going to (storyline wise) for Mania. So, unless something changes, I'd say you got the right idea. The rumor is they are going to see if Bret can take the bumps required before committing anything either way.
2. In the "WWE-era" it would have to be Batista breaking away from Evolution. They actually took their time and used the slow build to let the crowd get behind Big Dave while he outsmarted HHH time and time again. The announcers didn't hammer the point home with the viewer and sometimes the only thing you would get is Batista winking at the camera. It made Batista a huge star and he's stayed there ever since. If you go back to the WWF years, I'd say it's got to be Austin vs. McMahon only because of all the money it drew.
3. If I were Vince McMahon, and God knows I don't want to be, I would probably only make a few changes that I considered important. First, the main problem with WWE in my opinion is that the matches don't mean anything. For example, when Jack Swagger wrestles Kofi Kingston for the 100th time on Raw, why should I care? If he wants to keep the same main event guys on top, that's his deal, but at least make it so I'm emotionally invested in what happens. Second, and this one is BIG, for God's sake stop scripting the damn promos for every single worker. Can you imagine if Ric Flair wasn't allowed to be Ric Flair when he was in his prime? Everyone ends up sounding EXACTLY the same and it's killing them.
Questions can be sent to dlman91@hotmail.com or send a carrier pigeon to the corner of East Carson and Stanwix on the 12th.
Good questions this week...ON WITH THE SHOW!!!!
-LIVE from Lafayette, LA (Saints won once, good job...you still 5 more to catch up)
-Carl Edwards shows off he can make left turns really quickly (big deal, my wife can do that) and drives into the arena. MY GAWD! I haven't seen that since the last time a NASCAR driver hosted. But we've been SWERVED and it's the f***ing midget because Vince McMahon hates me. Kelly Kelly introduces Carl Edwards for real as an excuse to show off her boobs.
No complaints
-Edwards goes for the cheap pop plugging the Aints and shills the Daytona 500 that I will not watch because it's not a real sport. He mentions John Cena so Sheamus makes his way out and promises trouble if Edwards favors Cena. Sooon to be ex-ECW Champion Christian makes a rare Raw appearance and is pissed off that the ECW title wasn't mentioned for the Royal Rumble winner. He plugs the NXT thing for people who didn't watch ECW and verbally runs down Sheamus in a very Christian-type way.
Christian announces that every ECW wrestler will become a free agent soon (or fired, of course) and challenges Sheamus. (Christian: "Come on, we were both born without last names.") Edwards likes it and it's gonna happen RIGHT NOW!!!
Christian vs. Sheamus Might be a trial run for Christian in the upper card of Raw, so he might want to do a good job. Sheamus overpowers Christian to start with a fallaway slam before clotheslining him out to the floor and WE GOTTA TAKE A BREAK!!
The kinda girl you take home to Mom
We return with Christian fighting out of a chinlock but they screw something up and have to have a conference against the ropes. Christian low-bridges him to put Sheamus to the floor and hits his dive to the outside. Sheamus comes back and rams Christian into the post,hurting the shoulder, and the ring barrier before bringing him back inside and getting two.
Sheamus works the shoulder but Christian comes back with a missile dropkick, but does not cover. Sheamus dumps him to the apron, but Christian necksnaps him and hits an elbow off the second rope. He's caught on a high cross body but manages to fight out and evade the pump kick, but gets clotheslined down. Sheamus misses a blind charge and Christian hits a tornado DDT for two. Christian tries the Killswitch but Sheamus counters and sends the shoulder into the post before hitting the pump kick and Razor's Edge for the win.
Winner: Sheamus
-This match was just an excuse to bury the ECW Title since they are getting rid of it. As an old mid 1990s ECW, I should care, but I really don't since ECW hasn't been ECW since 2000. *** for decent stuff but a mismatch of styles.
1992-2001...Rest in peace
-Backstage, Shawn apologizes for the Taker stuff and wants to go to WrestleMania as DX, something that's never been done (which is wrong, since they were DX at WM 14). HHH, however, is all about the title at Elimination Chamber and HBK storms off.
-Recap of Cena saving Bret after Raw went off the air but Batista comes back and delivers a powerbomb on the ring steps. Ouch.
-Backstage, Cody is pissed he's the only member of Legacy that didn't qualify for the Chamber. Orton breaks up the argument and announces DiBiase will face Cena tonight and Cody will be up against Orton.
-Before the tag title match, CM Punk lectures the misfits of Louisiana about turning to drugs and alcohol for every occasion. I would lecture them about building cities below sea level myself. Punk invites Jared from Subway into the SES but he refuses. Unfortunately, DX's music hits before Luke and Punk can beat his ass...
Elimination Match for the Unified Tag Team Titles Straight Edge Society vs. DX vs. Big Show & Miz Not liking DX's chances here. Big brawl breaks out and DX clears the ring of everyone to establish their dominance but WE GOTTA TAKE A BREAK!!!
She's sneaky hot
We return to HBK serving some chops to CM Punk, but our savior comes back with the Shining Wizard-Bulldog combo for two. Apparently, one guy from each team is always legal. All members tag out and HHH, Show, and Gallows go head-to-head-to-head. Show cleans house on everyone, targeting Luke with the chops in the corner and a shortarm clothesline, but HHH hits the facebuster. Big Show sends HHH to the outside as we take...another break??!
We return with Punk trying to pin both HHH and Miz to no avail, so Miz takes control before getting clotheslined by Hunter. Punk gets rid of HHH and has a mini-segment with Miz, who hits his corner clothesline but a Serena distraction causes him to run into a HHH spinebuster.
Hot tag to Shawn Michaels who, in Vinnie Mac's words, is a house of fire on CM Punk. Flying elbow hits on Punk and he's TUNING UP THE BAND!
RICKROLLED!!!
Gallows interrupts Chin Music so Hunter gets rid of him, leaving Shawn to hit Punk with it for real this time and get the pin. The Straight Edge Society is eliminated So we're down to a standard tag match and Show kicks HBK's ass....slowly of course. A Big Show charge hits only boot but a lazy back suplex (called "a unique version" by Cole) gets two.
Miz checks in with a boot to the face for two and we hit the chinlock because that's what Miz does. Kneelift and a neckbreaker sets up a finisher attempt, but Michaels fights out of it and Show cuts off the tag. HBK gets a desperation Chin Music and it's hot tag HHH, who beats the hell out of Miz and looks to finish, but HBK tags himself in. While DX argues, Miz runs up behind Shawn and rolls him up for the titles.
Winners and NEW Champions: The Miz Show
-With the DX breakup imminent, you could kinda see this coming but still a good match. I would have put the titles on the SES because Punk is MONEY, but that's just me. Good match minus the weird commercial breaks ***1/4. I don't think I can live through another HBK-HHH feud though, I've already seen 3842 of them.
-Backstage, The Miz Show gloat about their wins and Miz actually says that name 10 seconds after I type it. I should write this shit. Show likes "ShowMiz" better, but I like my idea.
-Still backstage, Shawn meets Teddy Long and DEMANDS he organize a trade to Smackdown so he can win their Elimination Chamber and challenge Taker at WrestleMania. HBK snaps when Long cannot make it happen and HHH breaks it up but Shawn does the unthinkable and says "my career is over" and superkicks Teddy Long. I FREAKING LOVE THIS STORYLINE!!
Gail Kim vs. Jillian Hall NEITHER woman gets an entrance. Jillian dumps her to the outside and gets two back inside. Gail gets slammed from the second rope and Jillian gets another near fall but falls victim Eat Defeat and that's it.
Winner: Gail Kim
-I really really really really hate this division and want them to throw it on the trash heap with ECW. Pointless 1/4*.
-Post-match, Maryse speaks French to Gail and they have a handshake. SMELL THE TENSION!!!
-The first inductee into the Hall of Fame is...TED DIBIASE (the good one). Totally underrated as a worker and an AWESOME character that entertained me to no end. Favorite moment: He offers $500 to a little kid if he can dribble a ball 15 times, but he boots the ball off the stage when the kid hits 14. Absolutely spectacular. Plus, he had the best evil laugh of ALL TIME.
Stallion
-Backstage, Carl Edwards and Jared plug Subway and give Santino a gift card. Marella wants a match with Jack Swagger so Edwards books one for Superstars (guaranteeing I won't see it) and Kofi shows his face as well, suggesting singles matches for all Chamber participants. Santino suggests letting next week's host pick the matchups but it's Jerry Springer, so WACKINESS WILL ENSUE! Springer is like Jerry Lawler, neither have been relevant since 2000.
Cody Rhodes vs. Randy Orton Orton badmouths Cody, who responds with a slap and dropkick for two. Rhodes gets a russian leg sweep, but Orton drops him on the ropes and hammers away while the crowd chants for Orton because he's an established star and Cody, most definitely, is not. Cody misses a high cross body as I notice, for the first time, that he has a NOSE RING. OH COME ON!!! Those jokes write themselves. Orton looks for the RKO but Sheamus runs down to distract him, enabling Rhodes to hit Cross Rhodes and actually get the win.
Winner: Cody Rhodes
-Nothing, of course, will come of this win but it must make Cody feel nice. Sheamus delivers the pump kick to give more sympathy to Orton. Cody chases the Irishman off with a chair. Not much of a match *1/2.
-Backstage, Edwards announces the aforementioned singles matches and books Sheamus vs. Orton, DiBiase vs. Kofi, and HHH vs. John Cena.
Ted DiBiase vs. John Cena Cena attacks before the bell because he's a dirty, disgusting cheater and he sends Ted hard into the ring barrier. What a role model. He locks the STF on outside the ring and chokes out DiBiase to rob the paying customers of their match.
No Contest
-DUD, Hulk Hogan never would have done something like that.
-Post-match, glory hog John Cena calls out Batista but we go to commercial.
-We come back with Cena STILL TALKING and now calling out Vince McMahon. Vince rightfully comes down with security guards and declares his masculinity. Cena says people cheer him and not Vince because McMahon is all about the money. No John, they cheer for you because they are all 12 years old now and don't know any better. This "Who dat?" thing is becoming REALLY annoying REALLY quickly and I don't even care about the Saints.
Cena announces that Bret Hart wants another match at WrestleMania against Vince McMahon. Nice announcement, but they can always change their minds in the next month or so. Vince accepts and runs a video of Bret getting beat up last week. Hart, however, IS there and attacks Vince from the crowd and beats up his security team. Vince runs to the back and decides he will NOT face Bret at Mania because Bret doesn't deserve it. Nice heel move. Bret destroys some electrical equipment that gives off WAY too many sparks.
Final Word A surprisingly good episode of Raw carried by an AWESOME Shawn Michaels angle and the continuing Bret-Vince saga. Carl Edwards was in about 3 segments (fine by me) and the wrestling was pretty good so, all-in-all, that's a thumbs up.
