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ringsideMAYHEM >> News Article
Mike Shannon's TNA Impact Review (Feb. 18, 2010) Written by Mike Shannon on 02/18/10
TNA Impact! (February 18, 2010)
But first, it's time for the phenomenon that's sweeping the internet wrestling community...the segment that has become a hits-producing juggernaut, yes it's time to...
ASK MIKE ANYTHING!!!
This next one I was asked 5 separate times this week, so I'll use a random one from the inbox...
Q: can you explain your rating system, I get the "out of four stars" part, but what does the 1/4, 1/2, 3/4, etc numbers reflect?
-JJ from Windsor
A: Well, it's actually out of 5 stars first of all but that's not really the point. I've gone over why I throw stars around like sewer lids before but this is a little different. I use fractions when matches fall between stars. For example, a match on Raw might be better than "average" (**) but not quite "good" (***) so it gets **1/2.
Q: Are you married?
-Sara, NYC
A: Yeah, I'm married. I'm also not buying your paragraph about modeling for magazines either.
Q: What kind of wrestling fan annoys you the most?
-Kevin, Houston
A: There are MANY MANY types of fans that annoy me, but I'm annoyed by alot of things really. First one that popped in my mind are the people I call "the champions of the fourth row". These degenerates carry replica World title belts on their shoulders like they've actually WON them. Look, you paid $300 for a replica of something...good for you. That doesn't mean you can wear it on your shoulder and act like you just finished working a steel cage match against Dusty Rhodes in the Cow Palace.
The second one is a common internet presence and that's the "I'm going to say the opposite of whatever you say just to be different" guy. Usually found posting 54 times a day on a message board, this is the guy who hated TLC at WrestleMania 17, thinks Ric Flair is overrated as a wrestler, and refuses to believe anyone under 6'6 and 300 lbs. can be World champion.
This isn't a rant or anything, but I could write an entire article on wrestling fans that annoy me. (But not you, fair reader. You are obviously talented, smart, and well-versed.)
Who is the hottest Diva of all time?
-Stacy, Philadelphia
A: I'm going to cheat and have two answers: Sunny gets a spot because she was the first to conjure hormones in my 13 year old mind. However, the Attitude Era slutted everyone up and Trish Stratus takes the top spot...with no real competition forthcoming.
Maryse who?
If YOU would like to Ask Mike Anything, send an email to dlamn91@hotmail.com or just stand on a street corner and scream my name repeatedly.
ON WITH THE SHOW!!!
-TAPED! from the Impact Zone, FL.
-I chose not to get the PPV last weekend and it seemed like the right call because everyone I talked to was disappointed in it. While the Impact episodes are at least halfway decent, the PPV offerings have been lackluster. I mean, JIMMY HART?!? Seriously?
-Recap of Impact moving to Monday nights, which excites me. But they HAVE to move to live every Monday night...the mid-90s Raw taping schedule is a good first step but needs to change quickly.
-The Pope is out to gloat about his tournament win and steal Jericho's "I mispronounce names on purpose and it's funny" routine. Flair hits the ring and asks Pope to read the label on his suit. Love it. What's a Ric Flair interview without referencing how many skanks he's banged? (Ric: "He's got more money invested in that suit than your Mom and Dad got in green stamps.") Dinero has finally had enough and attacks, but gets beaten down 2-on-1. Flair pillmanizes Pope just for fun.
Pillmanize: (v.) The act of wrapping a chair around a victim's ankle and stomping on it, causing massive damage and sometimes breaking it. Named after the late Brian Pillman, who suffered a broken ankle at the hands of Steve Austin.
Daffney vs. Tara Haven't seen Daffney since WCW and I remember her being much better looking. Random: Why is Tara announced as being from "The state of California"?
Tara slugs away and hits a spinning side slam for two. They job around before Daffney hits a kick in the corner and hair-assisted snap mares. They "brawl" to the outside, where Daffney grabs a tool box (?!) and smacks Tara with it to draw the DQ.
Winner by DQ: Tara
-Daffney destroys Tara afterwards with various weapons before Dr. Stevie breaks it up. Slow and sloppy before the finish *.
-Backstage, Uncle Eric has arranged for Mick Foley to have a fashion makeover. Bischoff actually calls himself "ATM Eric", an internet nickname he HATED.
Orlando Jordan vs. Samoa Joe The "long-awaited" (cough*cough) Orlando bisexual entourage makes its debut. Joe gets a pep talk from Uncle Eric before the match and goes out and destroys Jordan. Orlando actually gets some offense in with a neckbreaker and kneedrop, but it only gets two. Joe has enough of his shit and pounds away in the corner but gets caught with Black Ice for the win.
Winner: Orlando Jordan
-Jobbing Samoa Joe to a midcard act with NO chance of getting over? Riiiiiight. Sloppy finish *1/2.
-Backstage, Bischoff is PISSED that Abyss didn't use the bat during his match with Foley. The fashion makeover was an excuse to get rid of Mick and now Abyss has to unmask tonight.
-Backstage, Uncle Eric presents the barbwire bat to Jeff Jarrett for a match with Abyss later.
Doug Williams, Brian Kendrick, & Motor City Machineguns vs. Amazing Red, Generation Me, & Kazarian So what will end first, the Suicide character or Kazarian's marriage? Kaz cleans house on Kendrick and brings in Generation Me, who double team Brian until he can tag in Shelly, who works a wristlock before brings his partner for two. Red tags in and they have a wrestling sequence before Sabin gets hit with a tornado DDT for two.
Red gets trapped in the heel corner and Williams comes in with a suplex but takes too long going to the top and gets hit with a kick. Kaz gets the hot tag but it breaks loose and Generation Me kills themselves on the outside so Red takes out the Machine Guns with a somersault dive to the floor. Kaz and Williams are left alone and Kaz hits a sloppy DDT for the win.
Winners: Kaz, Generation Me, & Amazing Red
-Alot of flippy stuff with no actual psychology but that's standard for the X-Division ***.
Abyss vs. Jeff Jarrett Abyss is fearful of the bat but still manages to clothesline JJ. They job around until Jarrett hits an enzuigiri and a dropkick. Jarrett clotheslines Abyss to the floor and they brawl until Abyss introduces Jeff's face to a chair. Abyss plants the chair in between the turnbuckles but they clothesline each other for the double KO as Uncle Eric makes his way out and WE GOTTA TAKE A BREAK!!!
We return with Abyss catching Jarrett with a chokeslam for two. Jarrett hits the Stroke and runs him face-first into the steel chair. Double J picks up the bat but throws it away instead so, while the match is still going on, Bischoff calls out a group of heels to attack them both.
No Contest
-No finish, but it was slow and boring anyways *.
-Post-match, the heels hold him and Bischoff goes to take off the mask....but Hulk Hogan's music hits. He orders Abyss to his office and the segment ends.
British Invasion vs. Beer Money Storm and Magnus do some token opening match stuff but James gets caught in the heel corner and destroyed. The Brits argue over who should tag in as Rob Terry contemplates his next dose of steroids. Roode gets the hot tag in the meantime and cleans house, dumping Terry to the outside and taking him out with a plancha. Magnus gets drilled with a kick and they hit the DWI for the win.
Winners: Beer Money
-Basically just a setup for the British Invasion split *1/4.
-Magnus smacks Terry across the face and steals his belt, but Rob floors him.
-Back in Hogan's office, Hulk is pissed that Abyss allows himself to be scared all the time. Hogan presents Abyss with his Hall of Fame ring to give him the POWER OF HULKAMANIA, BROTHER!!
Christopher Daniels vs. Kurt Angle Daniels attacks before the bell in the corner and takes control but makes the mistake of trying a sunset flip. Kurt grabs his ankle and locks on the heel hook for the submission.
Winner: Kurt Angle
-Note to self: Do NOT piss off Kurt Angle. *
-Post-match, Kurt talks about how bad of a year he's had and breaks down. He talks about how Mr. Anderson spit on everything he believes in. Anderson comes out and dares Angle to attack, which he of course does, and gets beat down. Well they are certainly putting Anderson over huge lately.
-In the parking lot, JB tries to get a comment from Samoa Joe but is unsuccessful. Suddenly, a white fan pulls up and kidnaps Joe. I'm sure the police will be called immediately, right?
-Eric Young and Kevin Nash hit the ring to bitch about Waltman and Hall. Nash calls them out and Young brawls with Waltman on the outside. Nash floors Hall in the ring but security breaks it up. Hogan walks out to the entrance ramp and we fade to black...
Final Word Not a good episode this week, with below average wrestling and nothing too exciting angle-wise. I know some people will praise the 8-man tag repeatedly, but a spot show is still just a spot show until you work in something else. That's pretty much it...Go USA hockey.
