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Mike Shannon's Raw Review (March 8, 2010) Written by Mike Shannon on 03/08/10
Mike's Raw Review (March 8, 2010)
-So I promised a story about my encounter with "Michelle McCool" and I always deliver. So I was on Facebook one day and received a friend request from someone pretending the be Michelle McCool. This was extremely obvious because she had herself listed as in a relationship with Edge and was CONSTANTLY commenting on people's posts. So anyways, I accepted for the specific reason of calling his/her lying ass out.
So I declare her a fake and she immediately responds calling me stupid. This goes back and forth for a few minutes with me mocking "Michelle" and all her stupid followers. Finally, I point out that she is actually talking to me WHILE SMACKDOWN IS BEING TAPED. She, obviously, has no answer for that at all and immediately deletes all my posts. This is also when her "friends" start spamming my mailbox with messages saying "shut up, I'm a believer"...just like a cult.
So, delving further into the mess, I discover there is a whole group of people pretending to be WWE wrestlers and all they do is comment on each others profiles. There's a Mickie James, Shawn Michaels, Adam Copeland...all believing their own bullshit and with 1,000 people buying their garbage. I finally blocked everyone and decided that this was the decline of Western Civilzation and that people truly are MUCH MUCH more stupid than I EVER would have imagined. One can only hope the operators of these fake profiles die in a fire.
-With that out of the way, it's time for the new internet phenomenon, the segment that has become a hits record breaker, the paragraphs that are sweeping the nation. That's right, it's time to...
ASK MIKE ANYTHING!!!
Q: My question is one about history. Do you think that the old ECW is over looked in its importance for the success of WCW and WWF? By that I mean do you think if ECW didn't put on those hardcore style matches that WWF would have done it and if ECW hadn't used all of that international talent and high talent, WCW would have?
-N.C. Banks from New Zealand
A: It's no secret Shane McMahon was a big ECW fan back in the 90s and actually introduced his father to the product because Vince lives in his own little bubble and refuses to believe the business exists outside of his world. If you watch "The Rise and Fall of ECW" there's actually a segment where Vince denies stealing anything from them while the production team plays a montage that shows EVERYTHING he stole. So yes, WWF Attitude was definitely born from ECW's Revolution.
As far as the international stars, I won't give ECW credit for that because Japanese stars were booked in North America long before that. Paul Heyman did bring workers like Rey Jr., Psicosis, and Chris Jericho to the US for the first time...but they were going to be discovered eventually anyways.
Q: 1. Seems like you're very critical of the current wrestling product. Not hard to see why. I'm been a wrestling fan since 1990 and ever since 2002, I've started feeling it was stale, then in 2004 it WAS, stale. However, you nor I or anyone else can deny that each year WWE does bring something to the table. MITB introduced in 05, The Streak trying to be broken with no success yet still UT's opponents come out strong, HIAC, TLC, Ladder matches, among many others.
2. In the WWE out of all the young guys you've payed attention to and perhaps even like and the seasoned veterans, who would like to see go heed to head and why? Catch is they never met before.
-Anan, Parts Unknown
A: Sure, WWE does attempt new gimmick matches and such, but does that really matter when the same guys are in the matches? Money in the Bank is a novel concept, but that's not something that's going to turn the company around. Undertaker winning at Mania isn't going to draw any more buys from outside fans. I mean, he's been around since 1991...not exactly a fresh talent to excite fans.
It's tough picking workers who have never met before because everyone seems to be thrown out there for no rhyme or reason. If I may suspend reality for a minute, I'd pick Evan Bourne vs. Shawn Michaels if only because they could probably duplicate the classic HBK-Shelton match from a few years ago.
Q: My question is, when will the Hart Dynasty get a push? Their wrestling skills seem really good, why not give them a shot at holding the Unified tag title and getting them on Raw so people can actually see them, Smackdown sucks. -JJ from Windsor
A: My boy JJ threw in some Crosby love too, but I won't beat a dead horse and fawn over the best captain in the NHL this week. I'm actually a big Hart Dynasty supporter and really thought they would get a shot at the big time with Bret Hart's return. A well-booked program with DX would have drawn major heat and elevated two new stars, but Vince would rather stroke himself on TV and be in the semi-main event at WrestleMania. Perhaps they will be drafted to Raw after Mania and get a shot...but that remains to be seen.
Q: This past RAW we had Batista say they were the two biggest stars since Stone cold Steve Austin. What do you think the purpose of snubbing The Rock was or do you even think it was a snub?
-Rob,Ontario
A: I got a following in Canada, apparently. In all fairness, I believe the quote was that they were the two biggest stars since the Attitude Era, which would include the Rock. I will reiterate that it's downright sad that even WWE believes they've only created two new stars in nearly 10 years. And they wonder why people are almost BEGGING Impact to be watchable?
Q: What are your thoughts on TNA should they release Awesome Kong and let's say WWE had a brain and signed her to a feud with..... Beth Phoenix? It'd be a great way to turn Beth babyface. OR maybe, Kong, Phoenix, and Natalya could team up and run through all of the "Divas". I'd like to know your thoughts?
-Bobby, Truth or Consequences, NM
A: I've come to appreciate Awesome Kong's work more, but only in small doses. That said, I don't think WWE would EVER sign Kong because she is....well, fat. They can't take photos of her wearing lingerie leaning up against a motorcycle and therefore Vince wouldn't be interested.
Q: In your last column you made a comment that womens wrestling is awful and chose lacey as your favorite. Fair enough the divas and all pretty terrible bar a select few (Beth, Mickie and Melina) but you can hardly say the Knockouts are terrible, they draw higher most weeks then the men do. But anyway, my question is what year do you think the diva's peeked and when do youy think they started to descend. Also how do you think the WWE could improve the diva's division to bring it back to it's former glory?
-Dan, Last House on the Left
A: I picked Lacey Von Erich solely based on looks, not wrestling talent. To be honest, there was never a "former glory" for women's wrestling in North America. While it's always flown in Japan, the US has NEVER embraced women's wrestling and probably never will. True, the Knockouts sometimes have higher-than-usual segment ratings, but that has alot to with their placement on the show. Be honest, if WWE dropped their women's division tomorrow, how many people would stop watching? Maybe two.
Q: With Wrestlemania card starting to take shape with several matchs announced how do you think this years edition is going to end up. Alot of people complained about Wrestlemania 25 saying it was a poor show. So long story short do you think WM26 be better the WM25?
Also Do you think the guest host is going to hurt WWE in the long run?
-Jamie, PWM
A: I wouldn't necessarily call WM 25 a bad show, it just wasn't memorable at all outside of HBK-Taker (basically making it WrestleMania 12). This year's card seems to be taking about the same shape, with the MITB sure to be a spotfest, HBK-UT Part Two sure to be really good, and Cena-Batista should be overbooked fun. I'll say this year's edition narrowly edges out last year's, but I'm not expecting a blowaway show.
The guest host concept is fine for what it is, a vehicle for C-List (or lower) celebs to plug their latest venture. It won't change the face of wrestling or anything but it's not bad enough to turn people off...yet.
Except him...he sucks
-If YOU would like to ASK MIKE ANYTHING, send a message on down to dlman91@hotmail.com and attempt to stump me or ask my opinion. Trust me, it's worth the trouble.
-LIVE! from Portland, OR (where it rains more often than Trail Blazers go to jail)
-Undertaker is out first, which I guess is supposed to keep people from watching Impact. He promises to end Shawn's career, which draws out HBK who demands for a no-DQ, no count out contest to ensure a fair winner. Undertaker promises death to wrap us up.
Kelly Kelly, Gail Kim & Eve vs. Alicia Fox, Katie Lea & Maryse Not a good way to keep viewers from switching. Gail and Alicia start and do nothing of note until Gail drops her on the ropes but still runs into a boot. Maryse tags in and hits a bad backbreaker for two before whiffing on an elbow in the face corner, which Kelly still sells. Eve gets the "hot tag" and uses offense that you learn the first day of wrestling school before hitting her senton for two. Big brawl breaks out and Eve is left alone with Maryse, so she does her stupid cross armbreaker from the top and gets the submission.
Winners: Kelly Kelly, Eve, & Gail Kim
-Pretty bad, but what do you expect? *
Didn't even break a sweat
-Backstage, Criss Angel and resident skanks the Bella twins showcase some magic. I know when I tune into wrestling on a Monday night, I want to see some emo, mascara-wearing moron pull a string out of his eye.
The Miz Show vs. John Morrison and R-Truth Non-title match to build heat for Mania. The faces clean house right away and hit a double baseballs slide on Miz. Show tries his luck but gets double suplexed and almost breaks his neck in the process. The referee calls for the bell before the faces can paralyze one half of the tag champs.
No Contest
-DUD of course. Makeshift tag teams just don't do it for me, but as long as it's a good match, I'm OK with it.
-John Cena cuts a promo on Batista.
-Backstage, Evan Bourne is getting a shot at William Regal for a spot in MITB. Skip Sheffield (Regal's NXT rookie) wants to see a magic trick and I decide to punch myself in the face instead of watching.
Legacy vs. Randy Orton Orton attacks Legacy during their entrance but we cut to commercial. When we return, Orton kicks the hell out of Cody Rhodes so DiBiase tries his luck and suffers a similar fate. Cody tells the front row to "SHUT UP!", showing off that amazing heel charisma that's made him a superstar in every country around the world.
After I'm done being sarcastic, a DiBiase cheapshot traps Orton in their corner and nefarious cheating results. Randy turns the tide by back dropping Cody to the floor and WE GOTTA TAKE A BREAK!!
I didn't know beanbags were eligible for Oscar nomination
We return with Orton still dominating the heels but Cody dumps him to the outside and Legacy takes over. DiBiase clotheslines him down for two and Cody adds a dropkick for another near fall. After more double-teaming evilness, Orton makes the comeback and dumps Cody like a sack of shit. He looks to finish DiBiase with the RKO, but Rhodes sacrifices himself and allows Ted to recover and hit Dream Street for the pin.
Winners: Legacy
-Decent for what it was, a long ass-kicking to put heat on Legacy going into WrestleMania. **1/2
-Steve Austin is YOUR guest host next week.
Few men in this world could pull off that shirt
-HHH and Sheamus hit the ring to hype their WrestleMania match that is sure to suck. Hunter mentions he went after the biggest dog to start (referring to the Ultimate Warrior, I'm guessing) and got his ass kicked. HHH gives him the intense promo thing and they brawl around the ring. Hunter sends Sheamus heading for the hills and I still say they'll be lucky to break **.
-Backstage, Santino Marella attempts to make Criss Angel entertaining and fails. I'm sure the cameraman did not motion to the correct cup at all, right?
Money in the Bank Qualifier Evan Bourne vs. William Regal What's up with them busting out Audioslave's "Be Yourself" all of a sudden? Didn't they use that for the Diva Search in like 2005? Christian is doing commentary while his rookie stands guard.
Regal hammers away in the corner and gets two off a throw. Bourne comes back with a high knee and hits Air Bourne for the win.
Winner: Evan Bourne
-Predictable. They needed a guy like Bourne who is willing to kill himself (like Shelton) and have no chance of winning *.
Prep your speech, Evan
-WrestleMania Rewind of the BIZARRE match between Brock Lesnar and Bill Goldberg where the crowd just booed the shit out of the match due to both guys leaving.
-We waste more time as we plug next week's Raw featuring WrestleMania rematches.
-Criss Angel hits the ring to be the special guest ring announcer and plug that he's the "Magician of the Century". Everyone knows we're only 10 years into the century, right? Big deal.
John Cena vs. Vince McMahon Vince, of course, changes the match to a handicap gauntlet match...
Vladimir Kozlov attacks and lays Cena out with a chokeslam so Vince comes in for a pin, but Vince only gets two. Vince doesn't like that so he calls out reinforcements...which ends up being Drew MacIntyre. A reverse STO hits and Vince tries the pin again but, again, it's only two. So he calls down Jack Swagger but we gotta take a break...
We return with Cena hitting the Five Knuckle Shuffle on Swagger, but getting caught with a neckbreaker and Oklahoma Stampede. Running Vader Bomb hits twice and Vinnie Mac tries again but, surprise surprise, it only gets two.
Mark Henry is next in line and he reluctantly delivers the World's Fattest Slam to get another two for everyone's favorite former billionaire. Vince gets desperate and grabs the ring bell, right before announcing this is a no-DQ match now.
Mark tries to reason with Vince about the whole bell thing and Vince has a better idea...why doesn't Henry wallop Cena? Henry refuses so Batista gets rid of him and stares down Cena. Kofi Kingston runs down to try and save his buddy, but gets powerbombed out of his West African boots.
Cena manages to recover and floor Batista, but he takes too long with Vinnie and Big Dave hits a Batista Bomb and McMahon gets the pin.
Winner: Vince McMahon
-Total overbooked nonsense, but I guess it continues the Mania program. I can't rate this junk any higher than *. The lights go out for some reason as we go off the air.
Final Word I was not a fan tonight, with segment after segment of boredom. Yes, I know they are building to WrestleMania and yes, I will be buying the show. HOWEVER, they still should be expected to do better than this...especially with Impact on Spike. Extremely average show tonight with Impact to come next.
